Back to Writing

Well it’s been months since I’ve written. This is certainly not because I’ve been too busy to. On the contrary, I’m quite bored most of the time. I just haven’t felt that I have anything important to say or talk about. I do the same few things every day, it’s quite a boring existence so far. I’m so grateful that I’m able to stay home and keep my head in a good place, but sometimes I really miss working. I’ve been doing small things like taking pictures every week of the dogs in my local SPCA to help them get homes. I try and clean or do something bigger at my house every day. I’m still spending a lot of time playing video games or reading though, which I shouldn’t do. I should go out and take a walk or something. It’s hot as hades outside though, so I am lazy about doing all that.
Another thing I’ve been thinking is that my writing isn’t good enough. There’s nothing that really helps anyone anymore, as I’m not in therapy anymore with constant learning surrounding me. It’s just me at home all day. I’m not a poetry writer, nor a story writer. I could/should finish my book, but it’s intimidating the hell out of me. I need to get over that.
It’s odd that it’s been almost a year since my accident and being admitted into the psych ward. It’s not until September, but I can remember how hopeless I felt around now. How teeny skinny I was (oh if only I were small again). How I was miserable and didn’t want to be here anymore. That I was constantly thinking about crashing my truck as I drove home from work. It’s amazing the difference a year can make. I no longer think about crashing. I’m not hopeless anymore. I’m still struggling most days, but it’s generally something I can handle. Or at least I know what it is and can try and talk myself out of it. Sometimes.
I’m still struggling to sleep on my own; I’m thinking that is going to be a side effect of my Abilify for as long as I’m on it. I actually took myself off of all of my medication except Cymbalta and Abilify for a few weeks. I quickly added back my Lamictil, as I could really feel the difference and could feel me starting to spiral down. I’m not ready nor have the strength or knowledge to go without medication. I can’t do it yet. This worries me for when I get pregnant this winter. How is that going to work? I know there are ways, but it’s terrifying.
Well, this is a brief update on what’s happened since I left work. A whole lotta nothing. I’ll get back into the habit of writing again, as I need the catharsis. I need the release, even if nobody reads the thing.

2 thoughts on “Back to Writing

  1. nikkib281975 says:

    My daughter just had a baby and she had to go off her meds to do so. After you get pregnant if you need some advice or encouragement maybe she can chat with you a bit.

    Liked by 1 person

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