I had a bad day again

I’m having one of those days where I feel like I can’t do this. Not that I have a choice, but I’m really questioning my strength and ability to push through this.

My impulsivity has been super bad. I’ve gotten help from therapy on shopping impusively and have been doing well at it, even if not perfectly. But other impulsive behaviors are still there. I keep saying things without thinking. I wanted a bed frame that was the first one I saw that I liked.

I am wondering if I can do this work thing. I feel like it’s a major part of my mood dropping. I want to be able to work, but my back pain turns intense. This makes me miserable and makes me droop in pain. I can’t handle being in pain all the time, it’s almost unbearable.

Then I feel completely guilty for feeling not good enough to work. People work through so much more than I deal with. Yet here I am. I don’t know if it’s the best thing for me and I can mentally and physically do it. But I can’t fail. I have to work, have to.

I hate these moods. Even Connor knows something is up. He pointed out that we were doing wonderfully and then things went downhill really quickly over the last few days.

Sigh. I hate this.

2 thoughts on “I had a bad day again

  1. Remember the saying “when you hit rock bottom you can only get better”. The same goes for your mood in bipolar, we have to always remember during our depressive phases that we will come out of this darkness and emerge into the light. Interesting you mention shopping as an impulsive behaviour, I too suffer from that finance breaking habit. Kia kaha (Stay Strong).

    Liked by 1 person

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