Day 4: what is a weekend like in a psych ward??

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Saturday in the ward wasn’t as exciting and groundbreaking as Friday was.  It was more of a fun day and had a weekend feeling with all of the group leaders and nurses.  We got to play “fact or crap” for a group session, which was pretty fun.  I was laying down on ice packs in my room for most of it, and would yell my answer from my bed.  It was quite funny and I had a lot of people laughing.  I would answer a lot of the questions (I love trivia and know quite a bit of random things, because I go on these google deep dives when I find something I know nothing about) which surprised everyone. Eventually they’d ask, if I didn’t answer, if I knew what it was.  People asked how I knew so much, so I got to briefly tell them about my degree and “almost minor” in marine conservation.

After “fact or crap” we started to play bingo.  They had these cards from about 1970, and they had little sliders instead of stamps so they can be reused.  I, of course, didn’t get bingo once; I never do.  But, the group leader let me have some gummies despite that.  Side note:  I’m ADDICTED to gummies.  I’m quite the connoisseur of them.  These were the trolli sour watermelons in the little fun packs.  They are not my favorite, but I may or may not have grabbed every one that was in the bag of goodies.

For our pet therapy section, we had a beautiful golden retriever visit, but he was not a good therapy dog.  A great dog, but he didn’t want any affection or attention from the inmates.  He just wanted to walk around and sniff the chairs and corners.  I know a little about therapy dogs, as I’d trained my Rottweiler to be one.  (I didn’t take the final test, but that is an entire other story that I can’t really get into without bawling my eyes out.)

Come to find out, when the owner sat down to talk to us about therapy dogs, he was HIGHLY prejudice of pit bulls.  I have a rescue pitty/lab/mix/mut thing, and so I’m hyper-sensitive to prejudice.  Well, I’m highly sensitive to all prejudice, but this one got my goat, as it were.  He was talking about how dangerous and unpredictable pitties were.  I was completely NOT okay with this.  Dauchunds are, pound for pound statistically more aggressive than pitties.  Pitties used to be known as nanny dogs.  I got insanely defensive and did something that is completely unlike me.  I spoke up and argued LOUDLY against this man.  After I began to speak up, a lot of the other patients would as well.  It’s as if the silent room got their collective spines once I spoke up out of character.  It was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.  It showed me how it’s not impossible for me to be assertive. Now, the assertiveness and how that felt at the time is something I’m working daily on emulating.

Of course Connor came back to visiting hours, as he did every single day.  He was absolutely dedicated to me every step of the way during my stay.  It was humbling to me, as I thought he would be so angry at me.  He was more hurt than anything, and this will often come out as anger for him.  He was great about it though, and as supportive as he possibly could be.  I was very lucky, as most of the patients didn’t have any visitors at all.

This was the day that the pain management came downstairs for me.  My pain was just getting worse, and so they were finally willing to give me something for pain, but only for one day.  I don’t remember what it was, but I was so grateful.  It finally took the edge off so I was able to walk around and participate in what was going on.  Now that my pain was down, I was able to actually talk to the other inmates and learn who they were and what their deal was.  I still toted my ice packs around with me at all times.

At this point, I began having grandiose ideas, as I was still in my hypomanic state.  I decided that I wanted to go back to school and get my psychiatric nurse practitioner’s license, as well as when I got my idea to write a book about my experience.  I also decided that I wanted to get my CNA liscence while I was on temporary disability, so I could be in the field while I was going back to get my next degree. Another side note: I’m terrible at being a student. I do the bare minimum and last minute. Me going back to school is a bad idea.

Of course, none of these ideas were possible except writing my book (which is SO HARD and is going so much slower than I thought it would).  I can’t just up and leave my amazing job and go to school again for years.  I have enough school loans to pay back, I can’t add more. I don’t want to quit my job that I love and I’m which I have so many important people around me.

Speaking of….I need to call my friends and make a date to hang out with them.  I’ve been isolating myself except for Evaline, I need to get back out there with people other than group….

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